Off the shoulder

There was a time in my life that could be described as pathetic, hilarious, deluded, and super gay. That time in my life was when I was an electro-club go-go dancer club bunny. at the beginning of 2004, I left Chico to move back to San Diego. A decision that I would like to poke fun at except that even at this point I find it to be one of the best decisions I made. I was living in Chico and working for Payless shoesource (pay less, die more). I spent my days at work reading books behind the register and dealing with people who wanted to buy their 1.00 pair of shoes and get another pair of 1.50 shoes at half off. You haven't lived until you have wedged a shoe on to the hoof of some fat crackhead on a rascal. My dark years included at lot of various clog rip offs. The rest of my time was spent getting high with my room-mate and either watching basic cable (WB) or going out to one of her hipster Chico friends houses and being awkward (the one time I showed up on a thrift store mustard schwin is the only time I got any attention whatsoever). I did have my fun, don't get me wrong. Kelsey and I made the best of Chico and we made some pretty awesome moments. But I decided I wanted to be a part of the gay culture (Chico frat dudes who want you to blow them when they are drunk does not a gay man make), and move to San Diego. So my friend Maurice said he would give me a place to live rent free until I got a job. So I gave notice, stole money from the till, and bid Payless a fond "I hope the children in your sweat shops rebel and rip each of you to shreds, and then construct a masterful rip off of a steve madden out of your skin and hair" farewell, and moved down south. Within 10 minutes of arriving after a 9 hour drive, Maurice, some homo he knew, and I went to an 80's night at shooters. I had arrived. Shortly before I arrived the up and coming electroclash club (four years after electroclash had really hit underground, but hey, we were on the cutting edge....we were party monsters) had shut down and re-opened as a hybrid in a shotty bar/club in city heights (shitty heights). This place was later to become a beauty bar. I spent the the following 6 months going to this bi-weekly (bi-whatever) club. As well as any other thing "electro-ey" that happened. Here are some of the things I wore.

*A long sleeve black shirt with the neck cut out so that I was an off the shoulder number. I wore that on top of a white t-shirt (to man it up a bit) with my black hair straightened like a bowl and 3 a-symmetrical beauty marks and black nail polish (and a bit of mascara, always a bit of mascara to bring out my ice blue eyes).

*A long sleeve black and blue striped shirt with the neck cut out, draped down my sternum with a black neck tie on, black paints...classy.

*A sleeve-less red t-shirt in which I took the sleeves that I cut off, cut them into strips and tied them on my arms and forehead and on the the knee of my WHITE JEANS!!!! I thought that I had to make something that wasn't happening happen... and I thought "White jeans!" I tried twice and realized that somethings can never ever happen, outside of welfare offices and Jersey.

*a black muscle shirt, a vintage star wars cap, one black glove, and my jeans tucked into wrestling shoes. Asics naturally.

*and once when I had a cold-sore, I painted on a mustache with eye liner, put on a straw hat (that Peaches had thrown at my roomate...CRED!) and a western shirt and went all ironical and shit. Funny that that was one of my best looks by the crowds re-action).

*One time I puked in the sink of the joint cause I chugged a whole bottle of rosse rose in the parking lot and ended up on a couch at Portia's house. just wanted to mention it.

Then there came a time where I climbed the ladder of the San Diego awesome-ness ladder and became a regular at the a new club that my friend May opened up. I was industry now because I never paid, passed up the line, and got drink tickets to boot. The thing blew up, and soon I was taking pictures for the flyer, and jet-setting to the nearest taco joint... but with a much deserved superiority complex. So I naturally began go-go dancing for May because thats the natural progression of fabulousness. Here are some of the things I wore.

*A button up red shirt, with a vintage gucci tie, and a white pullover on top of all that. As well as little boy swimming shorts... they were red. It was an underwear party theme, and I will say, i was the classy-ist...by far...by realllllllll far.

* A long sleeve wool maroon sweater number with stitched arms and large buttons. Lots of foundation. Red pancake makeup for rosey cheeks. And lines drawn on my mouth, neck, arms, and legs so that I looked like a marionette. A pouty marionette.

* Giant ripped jeans, a wife beater, fingerless gloves, and gold chains. The theme was over the top 80s so I went Jersey 80's. I also went with what was in the "I need to donate" drawer of my dresser/floor.

*For the 7 deadly sins theme I danced on the box as "Pride". I wrote "Rob is cool" on my cheek and wore a crown of pictures of myself. My friend jennifer was "gluttony". So she wore a trash bag that I wrote the word gluttony on in mustard.

There were many more artistic things I put on my body, face, and in my mouth. In the end, I had fun-ish, I got free booze, I helped May get onto Spins top funnest places (who reads Spin?), and I got my wish... I was around the gays. I got gayer. Gay.