Oroville is a place that holds true to many ideals of a small town. They make their own drugs. They walk to where they needs to get to cause they done lost their license, again. Dental insurance takes a backseat to lottery tickets. And everyone is ripe with concern about the man bumming their high. This was re-affirmed to me on my last trip to Oroville (which I plan to draw out into many witty and semi sobering blogs, so get to lovin it now). Now I'm not gonna say that my uncle Buzz has had run ins with the law, but I will say this...his name is Buzz. Good ol boy if there ever was one. I hated this man growing up. There is no place for a young homosexual who fancies himself sophisticated because he KNOWS he would just love caviar, even though he is drinking grape drink and eating saltines with taco bell hot sauce on them, and a man who always had car grease on his hands and some sort of scary skinny bug eyed loose toothed dude at his side talkin bout pussy while drinking natural ice. I know it seems like he would have gotten my lipsyncing renditions to dirty dancing, but they were lost on him. Anyhoo, on this last trip I took my boyfriend Auggie. He of course loves them and them him. thats not the point of this blog, later. So as you can imagine I was a little on edge, and my cousin Angel had already taken all of my grandmas vicoden so I had no way to take the edge off. But I did have the intelligence and foresight to stay in a hotel. Or so I thought. Whilst sitting at the kitchen table talking with my uncle, he asks us where we are staying. I said "the days in". He replies with "You know the cops got cameras all over that place". Sweet. At that moment, being the sound person I am with no tendencies towards paranoia at all I think "I can't believe I smoked pot in the bathroom with out checking under the fire alarm for a camera, I'm going to jail."
"Yah, they own that place, they got cameras pointed at all the doors. Don't come walkin out there with a beer in your hand and then get into your car man, I tell ya, they'll bust your ass" he says.
This will interrupt my morning corona/drinking and driving spree surely. There is nothing more I want to do than to get wicked wasted and jump in my car and go cruise down the Oro dam highway.
"yah, Mike Ramseys' in on that deal, you know it" he says.
Mike Ramsey is the Butte county D.A and always has been and will forevermore. I guess the hotel entrapment stings keeps him on the voters good side. He is also the father of a girl I went to school with who now goes to christian college. I know he shot the ceiling in his house once during a dispute with his wife. I choose him!
So we leave my grandmas and head back to the hotel, I buy a corona cause god knows I need it if I'm going to jail in a matter of hours. I hide it under my shirt as Auggie and I go up to our room.
"those security lights look awful suspicious" I think to myself.
I insist Auggie smokes out of the window in the bathroom with the door shut. I check for bits of pot after he is done. all clear.
Long story short, I wasn't arrested, it was fine and all that.
But that corona woulda tasted better if it wasn't for all the breaches in my civil rights.....just a thought.
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